Today is one of those days when I come to the end of my day discouraged and questioning my career choices. Yesterday, my class and I engaged in a high-energy lesson where they were split into Spartans and Athenians, learned about their daily lives, and then competed against each other in a small Olympics Games. The kids learned a lot, had a blast, and so did I. However, today, this same class, as I told them to get ready to take some notes, made comments of "that's all we ever do in here". What? Do you not remember yesterday, or did somebody smack you with a pool noodle too hard? Then, when I set them to work on their short writing assignment about the Greek gods and goddesses, every question I fielded was a veiled whine about how to do the bare minimum.
I know every child is born with a passion for learning. I see it in my toddling son, as he rushes around to see, touch, and taste everything he can. I remember it from my own formative years; how I would read book after book, devouring the stories and the knowledge. I remember longing to improve my writing, so I could communicate my innermost thoughts and feelings. Then I look at so many of my students, and wonder when that fire went out and how to relight it, if I even can. There are a few whose flames are still burning, who are excited for every new fact and new connection they make, but they are few and far between. The coldness I'm met with as I try to share my own flame is slowly threatening to blow it out as well.
What about our school system, or even our society, is killing our children's love of learning?

I'm not ok

To my administrator,

Yesterday, you called me into your office, and your first question to me was “Are you ok?”. Thinking you were asking about my recent sick day and my nagging cough, I smiled and said yes, I was feeling much better, thank you. However, after you continued from there and accused me of laying down on the job, on the word of one of the worst classes to ever grace this school, and went on to make veiled threats about me compromising my hireability by “disappearing” in the afternoons, I would like to change my answer to your first question.

No, I am not ok. First of all, I am being let go from my first real teaching job, a job that, up until the past few months, I loved and had great passion for. When you told me about this, I kept a straight face and bottled up my emotion, but what you may not know is that I then went to my classroom, locked myself in, and wept like someone had died. I then went home that night and continued to cry for pretty much the rest of the evening. Coming back to work the next day took everything I had, but I did, and I have continued to come to work faithfully and continued to try my hardest.

I am not ok. I have two of the hardest classes I have ever had, and I have had them all year. They are disrespectful, rude, and think that the rules do not apply to them. Many of them have been in and out of your office, and not just on referrals from me. I have tried every approach I know with them, and at this point in the year, my focus is on survival and getting as many of them to pass as I can.  Also, apparently, one or more of them have decided that it is their job to report everything to you, making sure that they exaggerate or only tell half of the truth so that I get called on the carpet.

I am not ok. I have been “called on the carpet” more times in the last couple of months than I have in my entire career, usually for things that could have been mentioned in passing or in a quick email. It doesn’t matter how old you get, being called into the principal’s office never feels like a good thing. Its to the point that I am in constant anxiety of doing something tiny wrong and being chastised formally again.

I am not ok. You chastised me for “disappearing”, without ever letting me know when you were referring to so I could defend myself. Every time I have been out of the building, it has been for one of the following reasons: A. I took the morning/afternoon/day off using the official channels, B. I specifically requested permission from an administrator to leave a few minutes early to make it to an appointment, or C. I was getting food on my lunch break. If there was another time when I “couldn’t be found”, I was more than likely locked in my classroom pumping milk for my son, which, by the way, is specifically permitted by law.

I am not ok. I am still adjusting to being both a mother and a teacher, and sometimes that means I don’t get papers graded as quickly as I once did, can’t help out with extracurricular activities,  or that I’m absent because my son is sick and can’t go to daycare. My husband works two jobs, which leaves most of the parenting burden on me. By the time I go home, spend an hour or so playing with my child, feed him, change him, bathe him, and put him to bed, I barely have enough energy to drag myself to the shower and then to bed. Despite this, I have tried to give my best at work, which becomes harder and harder the less I feel appreciated here. It is very hard to convince myself that I’m doing the best thing when I leave my son in the care of someone else to take care of other people’s children who are ungrateful, disrespectful, and rude (both the children and the parents). I continue to put in my best effort for the few children in each class who are still eager, or at least willing, to learn, but it is very hard to put my heart into lessons that end up being nothing but power struggles.

For the past 3 years, I have dedicated myself to this job. I have done the extra trainings, the extra duties, the extra hours of work. What I have gotten in return is unemployment and a lack of understanding while I go through an extremely difficult season in my life. At this point, I’m questioning whether I even want to teach anymore at all, let alone back in a position similar to the one I am losing. So, to answer your question again, no, I am really not ok.

To the loudmouthed and ignorant

Every so often, I see a post online about someone complaining about people being picky about gluten-free eating. In most cases, it is some big-name chef, someone who ought to be better informed about food in general anyway. And that makes me MAD!
The most recent one I've seen was tweeted about by one of my favorite authors, Laurel K. Hamilton. Bryan Morcom, chef at Restaurant Alma, Minneapolis, stated that the one culinary trend he wishes would die is "gluten-free" because "we get five or six people coming in each night asking for gluten free." Ok, so while I live far, far away from Minneapolis, I can guarentee I would never go near any place this guy cooked at. My diet is not a "trend", and I'm not just doing it because Zoey Deschanel does. I eat gluten free because if I don't, I will have crippling symptoms now and potential for deadly complications later. Another idiot chef I read about a while back, Damian Cardone of Colorado, admitted to PURPOSELY contaminating his customers' food with gluten. I don't know if any legal measures were ever taken, but you better believe there would have been if he had, say, slipped a shrimp into the food of someone with a shellfish allergy. Let me allow this genius to speak for himself:
“Gluten free is bull****!! Flour and bread have been a staple of life for thousands, THOUSANDS of years. People who claim to be gluten intolorent dont realize that its all in there disturbed liitle heads. People ask me for gluten free pasta in my restaurant all the time, I tell em sure, Then I serve serve em our pasta, Which I make from scratch with high gluten flour. And you know what? nothing, NOTHING! ever happens! People leave talking about how good they feel gluten free and guess what, They just had a full dose! Idiots! may God help the Liberal hippie idiot who’s going to ask for gluten free pasta this weekend.”

No, Mr. Cardone, may God help you and Mr. Morcom and other ignorants like you when you face the consequences of alienating one of the most commonly diagnosed food sensitivities in the United States. Heaven forbid you or someone you care about develop celiac and have to go on my "trendy" diet.

Outside info from: http://www.twincities.com/ci_20223007?fb_comment_id=fbc_10150676694556702_21771078_10150678810326702#f25ddb32fd265a
http://www.glutenfreebulletin.com/colorado-chef-purposely-contaminating-people-with-gluten-34672.html

Taxes

This year, I've decided to itemize my medical expenses, after discovering halfway through last year that the difference in the cost of my gluten-free food from normal food could be written off. At my last doctor's appointment, I took in a simple form letter stating that I had been diagnosed with Celiac and that the only course of treatment available was to remain on a gluten-free diet for life. My doctor had it typed up on letterhead a
nd signed a copy for my records, in case I am ever audited. (If you're looking for what medical expenses are claimable, may I refer you to http://www.irs.gov/publications/p502/ar02.html#en_US_publink1000178852. It is sort of hidden, under "Weight Loss Programs")

I made my first gluten-free shopping trip of the new year just last week, and once I crunched the numbers, the difference was amazing: nearly $50 on one trip, and that not even a big stock-up. Here's my receipt and my calculations:

I understand that may not be readable, but to give you the gist, after purchasing my gluten-free items, I took a notebok around the store and wrote down the price of a comparable item, as well as the weight of the product. The weight was important, as my gluten-free bread comes in a loaf that is about half the size of your normal one. I calculated the price per ounce, and then used the weight on the gluten-free product to calculate a comparable price. From there, it was easy to determine the difference (however, if I ever get a tablet, this whole process would be much easier with spreadsheet software). The most pricey items, as was to be expected, were the bread and the Bisquik. I can't wait to see the difference when I buy pasta, that's sure to be a stunner as well.

Now, for me, this is worth my time. You can only deduct medical expenses above 7.5% of your gross income. For me, with as low an income as I receive, this would pretty much equal my monthly trip to the grocery store, plus the copays for my required doctor's visits. For you, it may or may not be worth it. If there are multiple people in your family who have to go gluten free, this may be a real life saver when it comes to those expensive grocery trips!

Happy Valentines Day!

Yes, I realize its technically no longer Valentines Day, but I just finished editing this vlog about cooking gluten free for a romantic meal. Enjoy:

http://youtu.be/iziuWFvSCZU

Mexican Chicken Chili!

So I needed to make soup for a church dinner we had today, and none of the recipes I found seemed appealing to me. So, I started throwing things in a Crock Pot, and, whaddya know, it turned out delicious! Here's the recipe:

2 16 oz jars of salsa
1 1/2 blocks of velveeta-type cheese, cut in little cubes
1 can of black beans, drained
1/2 medium green bell pepper, diced
1/2 medium red bell pepper, diced
6 large chicken breasts, cooked and diced.
1 qt of tomato juice

Throw everything together in a large crock pot (leave the tomato juice til last and only add what fits. I had about a quarter of my bottle left) and cook for at least two hours on high. The longer it cooks, the yummier it will be. Make sure you stir every half hour or so, so the cheese doesn't burn.

Enjoy, folks! Add some tortila chips if you like, and you have a spicy gluten-free lunch!

Two Diets at Once

Since it's the new year, I'm currently joining the millions of people who have resolved to lose weight. According to my WiiFit (with which I have a love/hate relationship), I need to drop about 40 pounds to be at a healthy weight. I've been at this point once before in my life, and I did it. The difference now? I'm already on a diet.
An article I read recently said that a full third of celiac patients were overweight or obese within the first two years of going gluten free. The article pointed to added sweeteners and salt in gluten free food, used to make it taste more like the real thing, but I would point to another culprit. Despite having been on a gluten free diet for three years, I still feel deprived on a regular basis. Throw in a further attempt to watch what I eat, and I start equating myself with those little starving children in Ethiopia. My "diets" tend to not work out so well.
So, while I am watching my food intake this go-around, I'm going to focus on physical activity instead. That way, I won't end up cracking over gluten-free crackers this time.